"Do your homework...do your homework..."
As a parent you may not think about yourself as a hypnotist but guess what, you are! A hypnotist is someone who uses communication skills to alter perception via suggestion. The power of suggestion is enhanced when:
- The suggestion is offered in conjunction with heightened emotion.
- The message is repeated frequently.
- The information delivered from a person perceived as an authority.
As you can see, as a parent you probably fit all three criteria. It also underscores why we have to mindful as to how we communicate with the younger people in our lives.
It's important to note too that kids and teens are naturally more suggestible than adults since they are more imaginative.
It's important to note too that kids and teens are naturally more suggestible than adults since they are more imaginative.
Once a suggestion is accepted by the subconscious mind, it will act it out without fail whether it is good, bad or neutral.
If an authority figure (parent) in moments of anger (emotion) frequently tells their child (repetition) that, "you will never amount to anything!" chances are that suggestion will be accepted and create quite a few problems down the road.
Yet we also have to be careful in the way we offer encouragement. In her book Mindset, psychologist Carol Dweck points out the pitfalls of simply telling a child he or she is "smart."
What could be the harm you might wonder? Being smart is an identity statement that ignores the fact that most high-end achievers also have a world class work ethic.(Some research on "mental contrasting" suggests that imagining success without also visualizing the effort can be counterproductive-read more here)
Dweck's book centers on the difference between a fixed and growth mindset. A person with a fixed mindset devotes considerable energy towards "keeping up appearances" and will shy away from challenges that might threaten that perception.
An individual with a growth mindset embraces challenges, persists in the face of adversity and sees setbacks as learning experiences.
In academics, some kids considered "smart" in high school fail miserably in college when faced with the more challenging environment and it's heavier workload. "If I'm smart, everything should come easy to me," the logic train seems to go.
So how should the parent/hypnotist word his or her suggestions? Offer praise and encouragement but couple it with caveat that effort is required.
"I know you are smart enough to pass that test with flying colors if you put in the time to study."
"Your project came out great, it must have taken a lot of effort on your part."
Remember, as a parent/hypnotist your words have great impact, use them wisely. If you have any questions, I am here to help. Either call me directly at (732) 714-7040 or connect through my website at http://www.njhypno.com
What could be the harm you might wonder? Being smart is an identity statement that ignores the fact that most high-end achievers also have a world class work ethic.(Some research on "mental contrasting" suggests that imagining success without also visualizing the effort can be counterproductive-read more here)
Dweck's book centers on the difference between a fixed and growth mindset. A person with a fixed mindset devotes considerable energy towards "keeping up appearances" and will shy away from challenges that might threaten that perception.
An individual with a growth mindset embraces challenges, persists in the face of adversity and sees setbacks as learning experiences.
In academics, some kids considered "smart" in high school fail miserably in college when faced with the more challenging environment and it's heavier workload. "If I'm smart, everything should come easy to me," the logic train seems to go.
So how should the parent/hypnotist word his or her suggestions? Offer praise and encouragement but couple it with caveat that effort is required.
"I know you are smart enough to pass that test with flying colors if you put in the time to study."
"Your project came out great, it must have taken a lot of effort on your part."
Remember, as a parent/hypnotist your words have great impact, use them wisely. If you have any questions, I am here to help. Either call me directly at (732) 714-7040 or connect through my website at http://www.njhypno.com
P.S. Bonus hint: the funny graphic at the top of the page has a hypnotist suggesting, "do your homework." Do you know what would be better? Combine two suggestions when you want your kids to do something and you will usually encounter less resistance. Examples: "grab something to drink and start your homework," or "do your homework and then go outside and play for awhile." A true case of two being better than one.
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